Amélie: Navigating Neglect and Risking Vulnerability

Amélie with her father Raphael

Amélie’s Isolation

Amélie, adapted from Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s film of the same name, follows the journey of the inquisitive and shy Amélie who turns the streets of Montmartre into a world of her own imagining, while secretly orchestrating moments of joy for those around her. After discovering a mysterious photo album and meeting a handsome stranger, Amélie realizes that helping others is easier than participating in a romantic story of her own.

Amélie’s childhood was one of parental neglect, solitude, fear, and perilously little social exposure. When Amélie finally leaves home she finds she still escapes into solitude. It’s easier to interfere, as a voyeur, in others’ lives than to live her own life. Amélie is socially anxious, lonely, and lacking real and meaningful connection with others.

The dramatic arc which leads Amélie from insecurity, isolation, and to willingness to take off her armor, trying out vulnerability, and experiencing true connection, is one that has deep meaning for me personally, as well as for the world at large in the aftermath of the global pandemic. This is a story that desperately needs telling in our communities. It is an honor and a privilege to explore these important themes with my students and creative partners.

Young Amélie with mother Amandine

Child Neglect

Neglect is an important theme and a foundational component of Amélie’s personality. The creators of the musical included the following note in their libretto:

Young Amélie is portrayed by a puppet with an affectless gaze. Since Young Amélie’s parents fail to demonstrate love for their child, she does not know what it is, and the puppet is charged with conveying this fact. It is up to the adult Amélie to learn how to connect and then how to love by listening to and observing others, slowly assembling the knowledge her parents failed to grant her.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway, a fact sheet managed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, itemizes long term physical, psychological, and behavioral consequences of child abuse and neglect.

Child abuse and neglect can cause a variety of psychological problems. Maltreatment can cause victims (survivors) to feel isolation, fear, and distrust, which can translate into lifelong psychological consequences that can manifest as educational difficulties, low self-esteem, depression, and trouble forming and maintaining relationships.

Psychological outcomes related to neglect and abuse include diminished executive functioning and cognitive skills, poor mental and emotional health, post-traumatic stress, toxic stress, and of particular interest to our story, attachment and social difficulties:

Infants in foster care who have experienced maltreatment followed by disruptions in early caregiving can develop attachment disorders. Attachment disorders can negatively affect a child’s ability to form positive peer, social, and romantic relationships later in life (Doyle & Cicchetti, 2017). Additionally, children who experience abuse or neglect are more likely to develop antisocial traits as they grow up, which can lead to criminal behavior in adulthood.

Montmartre

Risking Vulnerability

There’s only one thing you truly need to establish more of the valuable, quality relationships you really want—in your business, career, and life—and that is courage.

Why courage? Because the number one force that pulls against the innate desire we all have as human beings to forge the meaningful and authentic connections we most want (and need) is fear.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of being let down or betrayed.

Fear of feeling inferior.

Fear of being exposed.

Fear of an awkward conversation.

Fear of wasting our time.

Fear of being judged and found wanting.

Fear of being profoundly uncomfortable.

All of these fears can drive you to avert your gaze and head for the door, rather than to walk up to someone and extend your hand.

Take a moment to consider this:

How might risking your vulnerability and embracing discomfort open the door for you to forge more meaningful relationships with a more diverse network of people? And how might daring to show up, to stand tall in your worth despite your discomfort, enable you to be that person who makes someone else’s day, week or favorite list?

Every interpersonal interaction involves an exchange of energy—for better or worse. It also provides an opportunity for each of you to lift up someone else and walk away more informed, connected and courageous than you were before. And while it would be lovely to always know ahead of time who will be an energy giver, door opener, deal maker or future BFF, it’s only when you lay your vulnerability on the line, lower your mask and connect authentically—from the heart, not just the head—that you will expand your network and become more highly valued in the networks of others.

Our lives expand in proportion to the quality of our relationships, and the quality of our relationships expand with our willingness to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.

And the best part of all? The more you act in the presence of your discomfort, the more comfortable you become.

This is, above all, is the theme of Amélie’s journey. She risks discomfort, learns to risk vulnerability. She discovers the potential joy (and potential heartache) that comes from leaning into fear.

Dr. Brené Brown on courage:

The root of the word courage is cor—the latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics are important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.

-The Gifts of Imperfection

Partially sourced from a Forbes article by Dr. Maggie Warrell - Be Brave: Why You Need To Risk Vulnerability To Build Great Relationships